What year is it?
Wow, a lot of time has passed.
I know a lot of people find dA to be irrelevant now. And I've found out that a lot of people associate it with "cringe phases" too, whether it's their own or someone else's I'm unsure. But I'd like to get back to using it at some point. It's just difficult.
I work full time. I'm a pharmacy tech and we're shortstaffed like everyone else in the country, but I'm also kind of the only tech who knows what they're doing- and coming from someone with no sense of self worth, me admitting that I am damn good at my job is a big deal. Okay, off topic, but my point is, work is killing me.
I also am a full time student now too! Online courses to get my Associates of Arts.
But I've not lost my love of writing or art. I just feel, unworthy I guess? I keep seeing all of these gifted little kids and teenagers who have been drawing for a short amount of time versus my ten years and get very discouraged over how little I've improved over the years. I'm in a bad block and work and school keep me from practicing like I want to. I want to get better though, and I want to come back with like, thousand things to post. I don't even know why I'm writing this, nobody follows me and everyone that did is inactive or has flat out deactivated...
But I'm gonna get better, and I'll come back. Until then I'm gonna pop on like maybe once a week to get used to things again.
(As of 09/22 this has been edited slightly to update some things)
Hello. It’s been a while since my last post on DeviantART.
I’m making this post as sort of an update kind of thing. I know hardly anyone reads my posts- and I’m not complaining about that or anything –but I still feel the need to do an update post. I guess it makes my page seem less dead, I don’t know, a lot of people are leaving the site so I don’t want my page to seem like it’s been abandoned.
It’s just a little difficult to get online. My laptop is over 10 years old now and I don’t really use it for the internet anymore. My phone is kind of old too, but thankfully it can still handle stuff like that (though I’m due for an upgrade soon). But I hardly have any memory on that thing so I had to delete the app. Getting on dA with my mobile browser can be a tedious task sometimes. But I still try log on once and a while.
First, a brief life update- from my boring life;
I got my first job a couple of months ago. I admit it’s a little pathetic how long it took me to get a job though… I mean. I’m 19, I should have had one way sooner. I was total nervous wreck, but my boss miss G was so nice to me, which I appreciated greatly. I was the youngest- all the women I worked with in my area were 35+, so everyone looked out for the anxiety ridden child (me). I finally become more comfortable after some time, and now several people know me and they always say hi to me when we pass each other which is so nice, because I'm honestly used to being invisible!
A couple of weeks ago after I got done doing something miss G sent me to do in the store, I walked over to the pharmacy area where I'd last seen her and I found her talking to one of the pharmacists. Miss G had known that I was interested in becoming a pharmacy technician, so she was asking what classes I should look into, and that's when I happened to walk back over. Long story short; Miss C (the pharmacy manager) told me not to spend thousands of dollars on classes. Because (in her words) "if you work in a pharmacy and get trained, after a year you can honestly probably sit down and pass the exam without the classes."
She also said that her technician was going back to school and she needed someone to cover mornings and afternoons for her... guess who got moved to the pharmacy a few weeks ago?! I'm so extremely grateful for the opportunity I was given. I like it a lot, even though I've made some mistakes (small non-harmful mistakes) miss C and miss S (other pharmacist) have been very patient with me. The other tech is really nice too, but I haven't spent much time with her. Also, I'm still the youngest in my area of the store... miss C literally started laughing when I gave her my birth date, "you're barely legal to be back here."
I still plan 100% to pursue my art and my writing. Recently my anxiety has gotten a bit worse and I started to sink into a depression. It scared me. But worst of all (to me) it greatly affected my creativity. After a fairly bad anxiety attack I stopped writing for 4 and half weeks- that’s the longest I’ve ever gone without writing something, anything. Drawing was hard as well, but without writing I had to find some way to get my emotions out. I’ve been writing short little drabbles to get back into writing, but they’re pretty bad… so yeah, I’m definitely not posting them. There is, however, one that I do like… I might post it later on. Other than that, I’m back to working on my book (WHEN AM I EVER GOING TO FINISH THIS THING) I’m so happy with my characters and plot. As much as I want for others to love my book, I’m writing for myself and myself alone, I’m no longer worried about people hating a certain character or plot point, or even the writing style I’ve developed. As long as I’m proud of it and happy, I don’t care. Hopefully it will be ready by my 20th birthday next year. And since I still plan to enroll in online classes for a degree in graphic design next year (online because it's convenient and cheaper and next year because I still can't afford it) I'm studying art more too. I ordered my first color theory book yesterday and I'm so excited. And as for the mental health part, I'm trying to get better.
Like I mentioned earlier, my laptop is over ten years old. It’s a rare day when my laptop can handle VOCALOID4 and any of my art programs. Microsoft Word doesn’t give me too many problems, aside from the occasional moment where it freezes during an autosave and crashes. Since I finally have a job I will be able to save up for a new laptop- I’m definitely getting another Hewlette Packard, after 10 years how I could I go with any other type? Dells’ are nice but I’m not interested. Keep those freakin’ Macbooks away from me (I HATE APPLE SO MUCH), Acer’s seem cool but I’m not even considering one of those. I’ll stick with what works best for me. But as I said, there is a rare day when my art programs/V4 works, so maybe I’ll still be able to post art/finally post song covers once in a while? But it’s likely my digital art will be put on the backburner until I get a new computer.
I am in love with the very thought of VOCALOID5- by the way I had literally no idea it was released until I saw a Twitter post about it -but there is no reason for me to get it right now. Because if I ever get another Vocaloid it will be an English or a Korean Vocaloid to go with SeeU, Uni, Dex and Daina, and there aren’t any V5s out yet that I particularly care for. Maybe I’ll get it if Uni’s future append and English voicebanks are released for V5… or SeeU V5 anything- GIVE ME SEEU V5 YAMAHA/SBS ARTECH! FIGHT ME!
Once I finally get my crap together get everything in order I’ll probably update/clean up my page, and that includes updating and deleting things I don’t like.
So, that’s it. I’m still going to try and log on once a week or so. And maybe I’ll be able to post something by October, I’m hopeful at least.
I hope everyone has a good week!
TLDR; My laptop is a freakin’ dinosaur- possibly a T-rex –and my cellphone isn’t much different. I’m studying- send help this sucks -and working very hard. Why is college so expensive? Anxiety is a pain in the everything. I’m still pursuing my art and writing. Lacie D’s first book WHEN? When did VOCALOID5 come out and why did no one tell me and where is my SeeU V4 V5?
My social media pages:
My Twitter (I’m not on Twitter a whole lot) : twitter.com/LacieLikesFire
My Youtube (the empty Youtube that doesn't have any videos yet) : www.youtube.com/channel/UCag0y…
My Tumblr (that I also am not on very often) : www.tumblr.com/blog/lacielikes…
My Instagram (I post here once in a while but not all that often) : www.instagram.com/lacielikesfi…